On the waiting and the arguing

During the Insemination, we were told to enhance the results by having sex on that night and 2 nights after. That is nice touch I though, have sex, doctors orders! Therefore, we had to comply. In General, an annoying part of "Trying" is that you have to wait 2 days. I am not a sex-crazed husband, but I like spontaneity and I find this forced wait mechanical in nature and a mood breaker for me. Nicky (still not final nick) became sick a bit over the long weekend, laryngitis perhaps but she was quick to point out that sickness is a sign of pregnancy. I am still waiting for the morning sickness but I know they come later. We have not told anyone yet that we even tried with insemination, but everyone knows we are trying, they even “knew” at times we were not trying, well people will always assume. Things are slightly tense between us as of late, nothing major, mostly small things enhanced because of this and our job states, Nicky is actually starting a new PRN position today so this may ease the tension. We are not in difficult state but the lack of certainty is weighing on us a bit. What I am finding out is that my responses now are less intense then before. When I get upset I am not the type to yell but more hold in and let the anger slowly release, then talk about it later, but since, and I know it’s only been a few days, I got upset twice and it lasted less, much less than before. I think I know I must do better and not get upset so fast (usually for small things, most arguments are for small things). We wanted to reduce arguments, we decided to have a weekly chores list, this is our 1st week and it worked so far. What I dislike about chores is the “Now you must do” something, no matter if I am doing something, and Nicky gets upset when she does something and I am not, sounds familiar? This chores list is a good idea so far, since I can schedule my own time and there is no friction. Well, that is for day 5 of possible pregnancy, we know nothing, except the chores are done.

Insemination

Should I be concerned that we could not conceive naturally? Should it make me less of a man? I never had these thoughts, but I have thoughts that I should be having these thoughts, very strange. Never seen myself as a macho guy, I know I am not but this makes me a bit self-conscious. We were tested for fertility and both checked up ok, I could use more motility but my sample received an ok. so without a clear medical reason for not succeeding to conceive and after trying for a year in the usual way, we (her) decided to do an artificial insemination. I decided to capture my thoughts, concerns and more concerns on this procedure and the time to come. The insemination was yesterday, we went in early to the hospital and I was shown into a little room for the "Donation". The nurse showed to my aid, the cleanser pad, the visual aid including DVDs and magazines. I don’t know about you but I preferred not to touch these magazines, the remote and not even the chair itself, it was strange enough as it is without thinking about what I was not seeing, though the room looked clean. I made the donation and went to sit down next to my wife (I should probably give her a nickname, curly? no, red, no mom2be, may lead to bad luck, well it will have to be Dona, for the donatee... I should probably come up with a better name), so we sat there watching Regis and Kelly, playing angry bird and just sitting nervously while the lab team were checking the quality of my donation and improving it. after a while the doctor saw us and reported that all is ok with the blood work and we returned to the little room to wait, an hour later we went into the insemination room where Dona (definitely a wrong nick) sat in the chair with her legs up, never actually seen this in real life. the doctor came in, explained what she was about to do, said it may take 15 minutes, but it was under 2 and it was done. So theoretically, all I needed to impregnate my wife is mechanical help and another girl. Therefore, it is possible that we are pregnant, we will know in about 2 weeks. This pregnancy thing does not come in a good time, not that there is such a thing as good time for your first kid. My wife is a new graduate, looking for her first job and my company just went under, and I am looking for a new job as well. Though I am confident that we both will find something soon, the possibility of a pregnancy added a layer of pressure. but I think it’s the good kind of pressure since I doubled my efforts to find a job and I will likely take positions that before I wouldn’t have taken (or not so fast without finding a more ideal position). I really hate this waiting; I prefer knowing right now if yes or no, I will drive myself insane. So now what should I do, should I already buy a baby book and start reading? Should I calculate all the parents cost (crib, diapers and all that), should I send a birth save the date to my family (which do not know anything about this). We kept the insemination between us, Dona is a private person and I am not that excited to reveal the truth, well I guess I am doing it now. I definitely need to focus and arrange my thoughts and plans; it is going to be an interesting year